Chuck Klosterman’s draft advice.
Dontari Poe (Memphis): At a massive 346 pounds, Poe somehow ran a 4.98 40 at the NFL combine. However, three-time Super Bowl winner Tom Brady ran a 5.23 at the combine in 2000. Logic therefore dictates that Dontari Poe is too fast to get Bridget Moynahan pregnant. Pass on this guy.
The whole piece, The (Very Serious, Highly Analytic, Not-At-All Absurd) Case Against the Top NFL Draft Prospects, should be read.